went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
