ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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