I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's always time for handjobs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
