sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
