So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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