Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
