So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize