Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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