He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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