It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
