i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
