I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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