haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
