Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
