I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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