Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
