3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
