so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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