i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
