He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
