WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
