she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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