i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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