I am puke
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize