that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
