He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
