Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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