no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize