nutella sex= disaster
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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