Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize