There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
