id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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