Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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