I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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