two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
