May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize