Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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