Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
