Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
