you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
