I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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