She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
