I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
