I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
