Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
