i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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