I think my vagina is haunted
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize