just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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