I need help removing her.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
