respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
