So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
