get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize