do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
