I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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