Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
