How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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