Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
