Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
