Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He passed out mid-signature
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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