mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
