So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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