we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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