remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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