Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
