I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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