I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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