my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize