I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
