sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think people are normalizing furries
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
