my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
